Friday, July 07, 2006

What I Hate About ME!

While there are a number of strong runners up- what I hate most about myself is my temper. I mean I have a mean streak that is unbecoming a christian man. I can usually (though certainly not always) keep my stuff together in public but it doesn't take much when I am tired and fatigued to send me over the rail -especially if I am alone. And I am almost always alone when I am driving!
Drivers rage is an amazing bit of psychological mellodrama. I wonder if others are like me. I rant, pound, and get worked up over stuff that I have absolutely no control over. How foolish! And what about the other luncaies that I rave about in my quiet times? I find myself pacing, or loosing sleep or even just breathing out deep sighs while watching TV because I am so frustrated.
While by societal standards I don't have a filthy mouth- I do have a sharp tongue. And anger is the trigger for that edgy tongue. Ripping the idiots! Cutting on the morons! And jabbing the jerks! I'm not too proud of that aspect of my personality.
The sad thing is I don't see too much change in the last few years. I used to hold out hope of a shining uncynical day. Now I am pretty much convinced that I will never be completely set free from being a hot head. And if you are set free and your world is always calm... that really ticks me off!

1 comment:

Roger G said...

I used to be the same with road rage and it sometimes tries to spring back up every now and then. I try to listen to the Bible on CD or Moody, which deosn't mean thats the key, but it seems to help. Now that I work in West Chicago I find myself trying to drive like a cab driver (I was born and raised in Chicago) but I'm starting to calm down because I never get to work or home quicker by driving quicker or weaving in or out. I get more ticked off after weaving in and out and realize the first guy I passed is now right next to me. I seem to do better when I get my mind off getting there quicker and just try to get closer to God by listening to CD's from this Church in Berwyn which is called Christian Life Center. The Pastor seems to have a good heart and shares his life with people which I like. I started going to the Church when it was in Cicero in the late 80's. The first sermon I heard from this Pastor talked about his own problems which I related to. He was someone I could relate to so I started attending that Church. So when I feel like hurting someone I try to turn to God. He helps me not to be so filled with rage.